Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
