At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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