I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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