Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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