that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
