I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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