I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize