How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
