my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
