i would punch a child for taco bell
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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