apparently the secret to your success is patron
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
