that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize