i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
