Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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