This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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