it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My cat gives me a boner
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You ruined the universe
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
