how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
