Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
