He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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