I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
