I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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