he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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