I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
