i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Randomize
