I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize