at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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