just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize