Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
