Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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