new low.... made out with someone while peeing
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
