did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
