he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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