half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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