They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
