i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
MIDGETS
????
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
