soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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