drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
