hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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