Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize