I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
