is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
