hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
