we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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