true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
