He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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