I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
