I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
