Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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