she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
