I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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