If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize