It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
