i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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