Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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