my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
