OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
