...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
