They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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