Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
