I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize