On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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