I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
