Duck Duck Cougar?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
