i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
