guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Holy sore nipples Batman
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
