You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
