direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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