A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
