My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sext me about skeletons
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
