I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Buhtt sex?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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