gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
