eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
