And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
