I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
