Yo dont text me then not text me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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