I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
3pm strippers are depressing
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
the liver wants what the liver wants
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize