haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
