Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
