How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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