My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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