That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
