so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
