from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize