"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
