Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
