My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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