You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
