Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
