He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
