Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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