Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
