You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
