he puts the penis in happiness.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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