david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
