Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
