Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
