I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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