so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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